My Ice Cold Heart In Review
Every where I look there is a year in review article or show. So my own . . .
I think I can say this has left me a little colder than before, figuratively and literally. It’s nearly midnight here and it’s 41 degrees. For those of you that live in far colder temperatures I apologize for my California bred whining, but my toes are like ice and at any moment I suspect they will snap off. I’ve taken to microwaving my socks, which does at least make the microwave useful, finally.
It’s not like the entire year was a downward spiral. I fell in love and got my heart crushed. That on the surface seems bad, but in the end the whole experience gave almost as much as it took so not too bad. I got 30 of my 66 seniors published last year. I even decided to start submitting my own work to rather good results, I think. I don’t have other writers to compare results to, but I have gotten 1 in 5 submissions accepted. so right now I am at @20%. I think that is good. I’ve been writing so much. And at first it seemed centered on the Sand Dune Guy but it has expanded to peacocks, Indian lovers, childhood, and just whatever I see. All excessively good for me. And there are these old dudes in an Optimist club, that actually make me smile almost every thursday. It is an irony that I’m a member of an Optimist Club. This seems like all heart warming moments, but there is the other side of life.
The year has been harsh. A trip to Vegas, that could have been amazing, which I refuse to regret for all it taught me, still the harshest moment of my year are housed in those hours. I found comfort in the wrong places repeatedly and walked away with frostbite more than once. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer. My father, who I have not seen since I was 7, has never lived more than 10 miles away from me, my entire life. Currently he resides in Paramount, less than 10 minutes away and he frequents the veterans hospital one block from my house. Still, I am not necessary in his life. The remainder of my family either fights with each other, or uses me. They think of me as the “success” in the family because I am the only one who went to college, and when there is a need they come to me, and I won’t say no where my niece, nephews or mother are concerned, Furlough days and medical bills have put me in further debt. To end the year, I finally decided it was time to try to let someone in again, and was kicked in throat when he explained he was married, an arranged marriage so it doesn’t count, in his words. And this is how the I end the year, questioning why I haven’t called it quits but very pleased that the year never pushed me over the edge, even when it tried.
So goodbye 2012, may 2013 bring a de-frosting of this heart.